I’m at that stage in life where my friends are starting to have kids. Some of them are pregnant, some of them have babies, and some of them wish that they were having children. I’ll just come right out and say it: I’m not there.

Not “I’m not there” in the “I’m not there yet” kind of way. I might never be there. The journey to motherhood isn’t a one-way street that people with kids have already gone down. There are many parallel roads, some of which lead to kids in a big momentous, I’ve-waited-my-whole-life for this kind of way, some of which lead to kids in a this-is-all-part-of-the-journey-of-life nonchalant type of way, some of them don’t lead to kids, and I could go on and on. You and me may be on a different road, and that’s okay.

I’ve read ALL THE ARTICLES about parenting (I exaggerate). Ones that say, “You better have kids right now ready-or-not or you’re doing Jesus wrong.” Ones that say, “You may not feel ready now, but you’ll wish you had them sooner once you do.” Ones that say “Having kids sucks. Being a mom is the worst thing in the world. Children are devils. But oh, they’re great too.” And you get what I’m saying.

I haven’t read too many articles or blog posts that accurately expresses how I feel about having kids one day. Maybe I’m the only one who feels this way? But I know that’s not true. When Whit and I spent months and months meeting with couples to talk to them about our ministry, over and over again, after responding “not yet” to the “do you have kids?” question, we got the advice to “wait! as long as you can! It’s better for your marriage. Once you have kids you can’t go back to the time when it was just the two of you.” That affirmed our decision to continue trying to not have them yet. But where is that advice on the internet? I haven’t seen it…

I love Jesus, got married young (22), have been married for over four years, and kids still aren’t anywhere on our radar. Some people might be a little shocked to hear that, and question if that’s really possible, but I am equally a little shocked whenever I see yet another pregnancy announcement on Facebook because you guys are still young and don’t you know that babies are hard?!

I feel stuck in the middle of two raging diatribes.

On one side there are the Christians who love God and love people and by golly you better believe they love babies too. To me this group comes across as broadcasting a message of baby-having to all the world, as if that is God’s greatest will for Christ-followers. (Let’s not get into theology right now, but I have never been fully convinced that the “be fruitful and multiply” command was for more people than Adam and Eve, and Noah’s family. But I would love to have a conversation about that one day…) Waiting “awhile” means no more than 2-3 years after your wedding. Or, if you have to wait longer than that, it’s because of some obstacle, like finances or career or it takes longer than you’d like.

On the other side there is the secular standpoint of dilly-dallying on marriage, possibly career, and definitely babies. This is the side that you hear about in Buzzfeed or other articles, the group that brings about the Gen Y delayed-adulthood statistics. This group brings the message of, it’s fine – you don’t need to have a direction in life, just live downtown with your friends, spend a lot of money on food and travel, try out a career or two, date around until you’re really, really, super sure you want to get married, and then have kids, way later. God doesn’t need to be part of that decision.

In real life, I wouldn’t say that my friends and people I know fall into either one of those standpoints, however, these are the two campgrounds that are most inhabited by opinionated internet authors. Unfortunately, I have not come across too many parenting or lifestyle articles that I felt really represented those of us who feel like we’re in the middle of the camp.

Of course, I know that there’s a HUGE element of leaving it all in God’s hands. Maybe you didn’t want to have kids so early, but you started trying just in case it took a really long time, but it happened sooner than you expected. I also don’t want to disrespect anyone on the opposite side of the spectrum, who would love to have kids, but it isn’t happening for them.

But the group I feel is most underrepresented is the one I’m in. What about people who do care about their career, but are also Christians? How about an article for the couple who gets married young, but wants to wait 5 or (gasp) more years before having kids? I know I’m not the only person who is married but neither me nor my spouse have a strong desire to have kids. I would love to read an article (or talk to someone wise and godly – I could name several of you :)) about seeking God in career, and waiting to try to have children.

I am a Christian, seeking Jesus’ will for my life, and He is not leading us to have children right now. Or in the next two years. Or maybe more. God’s will for my and Whit’s life right now, as far as we can see, is for me to go to grad school. It could be God’s plan to lead us to take this step, and then He’ll switch things up on us, because sometimes that’s how God does, which we’re open to and {hopefully we’d be} okay with! But I just want to be one tiny voice on the internet saying it’s okay if you don’t want to have kids…. anytime soon. And my anytime soon is 5-25 years. Because I know there are others of you, not just me, who might feel a little anxious when other people’s “anytime soon” is actually pretty soon in your eyes.

I’m not one of those people who always wanted to be a mom. Or a wife (well, I did wanted to get married one day, but as long as I went on a date before I died I decided I would be okay with my life! No one liked me in high school! hah). I threw my baby doll out the car window one Christmas because I LIKE STUFFED ANIMALS, NOT DOLLS. My parents figured it out after that one. 😉

I honestly am just not interested in babies. Only in the past couple of years have I started to think that some babies are cute, and have a small desire to have one of my own. In general, I just don’t get what the big deal is.

I do love children, because they’re fun. And I’m fun, and I like to have fun. I like to have the mindset of a child – creative, imaginative, limitless, blunt, hilarious, silly. Maybe I don’t want to have kids yet because I still feel like a kid in a lot of ways. I distinctly remember my thoughts and attitudes as a child and I don’t feel far enough away from those thoughts to become one stage adult-er.

Maybe I feel like it’s still too soon for “daddy” to be anyone else other than the hero my dad was, and still is, for me.

But I also follow the logic that whenever Whit and I do have kids (if we do), they won’t just be babies. They’ll be babies for a very short amount of time…. and after that, we’ll still have them. We’ll still have them when they’re five and toothless, when they’re six and sticky, when they’re eleven-year-old know-it-alls, and when they’re fifteen year-old drivers. I want to wait to begin that whole process, because it never ends. Just like you can’t have a puppy that doesn’t grow into a dog that is with you for the rest of its life, you can’t have a baby that doesn’t grow into a person who is with you constantly for ~18 years.

And can we please stop using the phrase “starting a family?” You start a family when you get married. I think it’s disrespectful to people who choose not to have kids, or can’t have them, to use that phrase, because it implies that you don’t have a family yet, which is so false.

So to sum up this big ramble, I don’t have baby fever, or some great desire to want to be a mom, or even really like babies that much (though I do like some specific babies…). I would like to have kids one day, for mostly logical reasons. And if you’re in that same boat, can I get a high five?

For everyone who wants to say “do people think that baby is actually cute?” and wants to ask, “why did you decide to have kids?” and wants to say “Isn’t having a cat the same as having a kid?” this post is for you. Amen.

PS: I did really like this post. It seems to give a wider picture of parenthood than a lot of baby- or toddler-focused articles.

PPS: This doesn’t mean I was lying when I wished you congratulations on your new family member or on your adorable baby belly. As well, for those of you trying to conceive, know that I pray for you often, that God would fulfill the desires of your heart, even though I may not share that same desire. Peace, friends! 🙂

PPPS: More things I like, and think, about children 🙂

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