Feelings

Okay, I have been neglecting my blog the past couple of weeks, after I was through with the pressure to try to post as often as possible in October, because my life has been cuh-razy lately! And by lately I mean since March!!

I had one of those moments a couple nights ago where I noticed I was feeling anxious – an earache on one side and then on the other, holding tension in my shoulders, a slight headache in the front of my head, and then my head felt like it was ballooning up. The truth I acknowledged was: yes, it does feel like my head is ballooning, because it is; it is ballooning with thoughts and feelings and fears and anxieties!

I knew the only thing that would release the air in the balloon was to get all of those thoughts out. I found a willing subject on the comfy yellow chair (which has been sitting half-finished from the sewing project I started last winter) and unleashed a sentence or two. I felt a lot better, and applauded myself internally for finding the source of my discomforts. Whit knew better. Two and a half hours later, with lots of love from my listening ear, I was finally done sharing the burdens that had been piling up over the past month and a half.

Never have I ever felt more like a woman. Seriously, girls, how do you do it??! I had two and a half hours of feelings from a 3-6 week time period. We guessed that was approximately 2-3% of the feelings a normal woman has. I couldn’t do that.

My problem isn’t having the feelings though, it’s sharing them. I do NOT like sharing them.

My problem is that I think the things I think and… feel…? during the day are insignificant. And more importantly, boring. I tell myself it’s boring when Whit tells me all the things he thinks in a day (that’s another problem), so I tell myself it would be boring to share my own thoughts. He reiterated to me that he isn’t bored by my thoughts – wow! I’m thankful for that. However, I still tell myself that I am bored by them. Something to work on.

I need to share more freely in order to not have anxiety build up. And you know the best person to share to?

Jesus.

I went on a walk yesterday (took a mental health day – just as important to my physical health as a regular sick day), and God pointed something out to me. I heard lots of rustling in the trees beside me, and I stopped and worried a little that someone was creeping on me from the forest. Truth: “It’s just animals and birds! No need to worry.” I finally spotted one!

A chipmunk. One of my favorite animals. They are rare, small, colorful, and quirky. He was just going about his day, scuttling from one leaf pile to the next.

I bent down, continuing on my walk, and picked up a tiny flower, or a weed, who knows. It looked like a miniature daisy, white petals with yellow inside. That’s when God reminded me that nothing is insignificant to Him. Not a chipmunk, not a tiny flower, not that tree out of the bunch over there that no one ever specifically looks at or thinks about. I thought of a video I had watched of the view an astronaut has of the earth from outer space – GAZILLIONS of stars. God holds everything in His hand – the whole world. 🙂 All the tiny cells and creatures, all the medium-sized everything else, and all the giant galaxies. None of it is meaningless to Him, least of all His people – me.

I’m so thankful He always loves me. He cares so much that He wants to hear the “meaningless” parts of my day. Thank you, Jesus!

Join the discussion!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s