things for 31 days · things i think

31 Post Challenge – Exhausted

This posting-for-31-days-straight thing is not easy! I thought it would be challenging, but it is tougher than I thought it’d be. I won’t give up though, because knowing I’m supposed to do it every day makes me do it at least every few days, so that’s not too bad, eh?

I confess that I’ve been falling into the same semi-failure routine with studying vocabulary for the GRE. You see, I’m applying to grad school this year (story for another day!). Applications are due mid-January, but way back in August I decided I would be super-on-top-of the next four months and get all my studying done in two! I planned to take the GRE in October after one month of learning vocab, one month of studying vocab, all the while studying for the test in general and doing practice exams. Life has gotten to me, though, and I definitely have not stayed on track!! I feel stressed thinking that I might not be ready to take the exam (haven’t even signed up yet! yikes!), and that I won’t get my application done in time.

Then I remind myself of the truth that my GRE scores aren’t the only part of the application, vocabulary isn’t the only part of the GRE, and no matter what, God’s got my back! So I am doing my best to not freak out, and when I’m super tired from a long day, I give myself a break.

Speaking of which, I had to do several times this past week. I was on two recruiting trips, to Liberty University and the fall retreat for Virginia Tech, in which I met with students to challenge them to come with us to do overseas missions. It was super encouraging to meet with students (since I mostly work in an office all day), hear about their lives, and get to present an opportunity to them that a lot of times really aligns with where God is already leading them. I got to be part of starting the new relationship between Cru and Liberty, so I’m really thankful my boss invited me to tag along for that trip. But the truth is, meeting with people exhausted me.

I was so encouraged by the Holy Spirit moving through me to speak to these young people and faculty members – I know that it is Him and not me, because I’m not naturally gifted in that way! – that I almost questioned if I should be doing more of this in my job. And then I got worn out, very quickly. Like, I must go home and nap because I can’t be around people any more kind of worn out. It happened twice, once during the Liberty trip and once during the Tech fall retreat. I know there are other factors involved, such as traveling and being a person who gets tired in general, but talking with people so much really did exhaust me. So it was re-confirmed that I am not called to do ministry with people face-to-face full-time! I will happily work behind the scenes to enable others to do that, and step in to minister directly to people every now and then, but not every day.

So thankful for another flex day tomorrow so I can sleep in and recharge a bit more before the rest of the week!

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